Jellyfish Romance
by ThinkingCAPSLOCK
Summary: "I want to date a jellyfish." The statement sounded simple enough, if terribly bizarre. But what did it mean?
1. Bloom 1

**Jellyfish Romance ~ Chapter 1**

"Karkat thinks we're going to marry each other. Isn't that funny?" John said.

"Yes, you brought that up before," Rose replied, turning the page of her _Problem Sooth_ book. The beanbag chair was rather comfortable. She was quite glad she had saved the captcha code for it.

"Oh, you remember that? I thought you were all grimdark and speaking in the Elder Language or something." John was sitting on the floor across from her, reading old-fashioned superhero comics his father had collected. Every one of them seemed to contain a clown related character, with particular favour extended towards the Joker and Harley Quinn. Mostly Harley Quinn, actually. John didn't really understand why his father had just suddenly given him the briefcase of flimsy comic books before he left, but it was a fun enough pastime.

"Yes, I was. I still understood _you_ perfectly, however." In fact, Rose was rather sure she had a copy of the poorly drawn shipping chart somewhere. She had kept it for strictly nostalgic purposes, though she had considered framing it to passive-aggressively spite the troll.

"O-oh. What did you say back then? I couldn't really, you know, understand anything you said. Like at all. Also it was total gibberish." John shrugged a little.

"Yes, I gleaned that from your _Oh-No-Timmy's-Fallen-Down-The-Well_ antics."

"You know that movie? I love it!"

"You love all movies, Egbert, regardless of their quality."

"What are you saying?" John laughed. "Con Air is amazing! You'd better not be insulting _The Cage_, man!"

"And so you make my point. Well done."

"So I guess you don't want to talk about it? That's cool. I mean, I understand. It was only if you wanted to. I get it, don't worry." John felt his cheeks growing hot. He hoped that his glasses managed to block most of the flush.

Rose sighed and put her book down. She stared at John with remarkably clear eyes in a way that made him feel a little—if not horribly—uncomfortable. "John, what would you say if I told you I wanted only to date jellyfish?"

John blinked at her. He didn't know what else to do, so he blinked. And then he kept blinking. It's rather hard to stop. "Uh…what?"

"Never mind." Rose picked up her book again.

"N-no, we can talk about it. I just…I just don't really understand. What do you mean by jellyfish? You can tell me, Rose. I'll listen."

Rose pursed her lips. "Telling you would defeat the purpose of the exercise, I'm afraid."

"Oh. What if I guessed, then?"

"I suppose I would allow that."

"What happens if I get it right?"

"Well, you will have to decide."

"Decide what?"

Rose smirked at him knowingly. "Well, you'll find out if you ever get there. Aren't you a little ahead of yourself, windy boy?"

"Alright! I accept the challenge!" John leaned back against the bed. He was glad that he had been allowed to visit Rose for the summer. Dave and Jade would be coming soon, too. It wouldn't be long before they were playing games and eating junk food and watching _totally awesome movies like Con Air_. He smiled at the thought. He liked reunions a lot. He was positively _vibrating_ with excitement—or he would be, had the journey here not been rather arduous. Instead he was just sitting in a comfortable stupor of comic books and purple walls.

"Very well. I suppose you have until the end of the vacation to get it right. Well, it's not like you couldn't keep trying afterwards, but…"

"But?" John repeated. Rose just shook her head and went back to reading. Instead of picking up another comic, John began to search her room for clues, eyes raking the various posters on the walls.

"I've got it!" he said at last.

"Oh?"

"You want to date an Eldritch Horror!"

"That's idiotic," she said, disgusted. "You think I'm attracted to creatures like Jack? No, my interest is purely theoretical and not romantic at all."

"I don't know, maybe you could—what was the word—have a blackrom with them or something," John suggested, grinning his toothy grin.

"I am not a troll." Rose frowned at him.

"I know, I know, I was just joking, Jegus." John sighed and went back to thinking. "Does it have anything to do with Squiddles?"

"What? No. Why would it be related to Squiddles?"

"Well, I mean, you have one on your shirt."

"Look carefully, Egbert. Does the Squiddle not look rather _odd_ to you?" John looked. In fact, he looked a little too long. Rose snapped the book shut and he jumped. "No. Stop that. That was an error on my part, I suppose, but I don't want you gawking at my chest like that."

"S-sorry," John said. "I swear to Gog, I wasn't—I mean—well, the Squiddle is defaced, right?" He paused. "Maybe you're a sadist and you want to—"

"You're beginning to sound like Strider."

"Well, we are best bros." John grinned. "He is the Sweet Bro to my Hella Jeff."

"You know, that comic is rife with homosexual overtones."

"That—what? No! It's not!" John said. "I'm not—I'm not—"

"Yes, I am aware. I am merely passing comment. Regardless, I am sure the 'guilty party'—if you were to call it so—in this situation would be Strider. Not that I am passing judgement. He is free to like who and what he likes."

"Well, yeah, if Strider is gay that's totally fine with me, too, I mean—why are we even talking about this! You're avoiding the question."

Rose smiled devilishly. "Was it so transparent? No, it has absolutely nothing to do with Squiddles."

"Not even _Tangle Buddies Forever_ or whatever the tagline was? I thought that might've been sort of close."

"Hm. I had not considered that. But it is not my main point so I shall discard it."

"Dammit."

Rose chuckled and reached over to give him the least condescending pat on the head she could manage. "Keep trying, Egbert. You've got the rest of the summer to figure it out."

"And I don't even get a hint?"

"Not even one."

"Fuck."

She smiled. "Good luck."


	2. Bloom 2

**Jellyfish Romance ~ Chapter 2**

"Wow, Dave and Jade are pretty late." John looked up at the ornately betentacled clock on the wall. "I thought they said they would get here an hour ago."

"Is it so uncomfortable being along with me?" Rose's lips twitched.

"N-no! Rose! Come on, you know I didn't mean that!" John said quickly. "It's cool hanging out with just you! It's—it's sort of peaceful, you know?"

"In my experience, 'peaceful' is just a polite term for 'boring', but I'll accept this nonetheless."

"No, Rose, you aren't listening to me! I don't mean boring at all. It's not boring, it's nice. It's really quiet. Well, except for when your mom started vacuuming at three last night, that was kind of weird, but…" John trailed off awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. What was he supposed to say? Everything felt like a trap.

"She is rather insufferable, yes." Rose frowned. "Perhaps I should contemplate my next step in our endless battle."

"No, Rose, I really don't think she's as bad as you think. Er, well, the 3 a.m. vacuuming is kind of strange, but I don't know, I think she's just trying to be a good mom?"

Rose stiffened. "I cannot see how her actions thus far have proved otherwise, but perhaps if you were willing to explain I would see the light. This, however, is doubtful."

"No, Rose, I think…I think it's a little like my dad, right? The whole clown thing? I think it's the same for her, but with wizards. She's just…she just trying to share your interests."

"So you are saying that her gaudy statues are not a passive-aggressive mockery of that which I am fond of, but instead a gesture of affection?"

"Well, yeah. That's what the clown—harlequins—were, right? It was just my dad trying to, I dunno, be closer with me. I just didn't get it then."

"Please explain to me the welded refrigerator, then."

"I think that was genuine. I think she was really proud of your poem, Rose! Like how parents tape good grades to the fridge or something."

"Indeed. So the mausoleum was not a farce, but an honest attempt at a funeral?"

"Well…yeah. She probably thought you really loved Jaspers, right? Er, that is, I'm sure you _did_, but like…"

"My feelings were lukewarm at best."

John thumbed the page of his comics. He had gotten through half the suitcase so far. "Um, hey, Rose?"

"Yes, Egbert?"

"What about your feelings for me?"

"I don't understand."

"You said your feelings for Jaspers were lukewarm, right? What about…what about me?" John glanced at her nervously, then quickly looked away. His stomach was squirming unpleasantly and his chest felt hot. "N-never mind. I'm being stupid." He quickly buried his face in his comic. "Wow, Harley Quinn is really, uh—"

"If my feelings for Jaspers were lukewarm, I would consider my feelings for you… Toxic."

"T-_Toxic_?"

"Yes. That is my approximation, at any rate."

"S-so you…you hate me?"

Rose blinked at him. "No."

"You just…dislike me?"

"No."

"Then you're trying to start a, uh, kis…mesis?"

"Is that one of those bizarre troll quadrants? No. I am not trying to start a kismesis with you, Egbert. That would be…inadvisable, I am sure."

"Y-yeah, it sounded kind of dangerous. But what does 'toxic' mean if you don't hate me?"

"Keep thinking, Egbert. You have the entire summer ahead of you." Rose flipped the page of her novel, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.

"Yeah," John replied sadly. "That's what I'm worried about…"


	3. Bloom 3

**Jellyfish Romance ~ Chapter 3**

"John!" Jade tackled John, grabbing him about the waist. The two crashed to the floor. "I've missed you so much!" Becqueral trotted in behind her, wagging his fluffy white tail placidly.

Dave nodded slightly to Rose, who returned the gesture. He looked rather pale.

"Was travelling by Bec difficult?" Rose inquired.

Dave nodded again. It didn't look like he trusted himself to speak. Instead, he turned to the two siblings untangling themselves on the floor.

"Hi Jade," John said, managing to retrieve his breath. "That was—ouch—a pretty impressive greeting."

"You should've seen what she did to me, man. Bruised ribs everywhere," Dave finally allowed himself to speak, though his voice was rather fainter than usual. He touched his side gingerly.

"Sorry again, Dave!" Jade said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it." He waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm just really excited that we all get to play again! Er, sorry, no, I mean…" She trailed off and looked away.

Rose stepped forward and patted her on the head. "Don't worry. We understood your meaning well enough to avoid confusion."

"Yeah, Jade! Don't be sad. We're together! We should have fun!" John said quickly. "Oh! Rose! Can we watch a movie?"

"Yes, of course. I shall set up the player immediately."

"What are we watching?" Jade asked.

"Oh, I brought a ton of really great movies!" John said enthusiastically. Dave groaned. "We should start with Con Air! It's so amazing, Nic Cage is like my god. It's seriously just the best movie ever."

Jade kept nodding and Dave just sighed, resigned to his fate. If he was forced to watch a shitty movie unironically, he could at least do it with style.

In the end, they all squashed themselves onto a single couch, cramped but comfortable. With some effort, Rose and Dave had managed to talk John into saving Con Air for another night, but seemed unable to convince him that they shouldn't watch Waterworld, either.

"At least the scenery is nice," Rose said, patting Dave on the shoulder. "Just focus on the camerawork."

"I'm trying, man," Dave replied through gritted teeth. "I'm trying."

"Isn't this awesome?" John asked, oblivious.

"So awesome!" Jade responded, eyes glued to the screen. Much to Rose's amusement, Dave opted to watch Jade's reactions instead of the movie. Then again, watching John tear up at the hideous scriptwriting was fairly entertaining in itself. How could those two _enjoy_ this movie?

The movie finally ended and John and Jade reluctantly turned their tear-stained faces away from the screen.

"That was amazing," said John.

"So amazing," said Jade. And then they shared a profound bound of loving the same shitty-ass movies. Their love for Waterworld transcended time and space and logic (whatever that meant).

Rose and Dave just watched on in awkward silence.


	4. Bloom 4

**Jellyfish Romance ~ Chapter 4**

"Hey, Dave?" John looked up from his comic book, determined.

"Sup." Dave flipped the page. "This Harley chick is crazy, man. Damn."

"Haha, yeah, I know, right? Isn't she great? I love the Joker, too. They're just all such great characters." John chuckled. "B-but, um…I was wondering…"

"Spit it out."

"Dave, what does 'jellyfish' mean?" _If anyone would know,_ John thought, _it'd be Dave._

Dave stopped reading. He turned to John. "What the fuck."

John thumbed the page sheepishly. "Um…well…you know, 'jellyfish'?"

"Jegus, Egbert. How can you not know what a fucking jellyfish is. It's like a living, translucent plastic bag that lives in the fucking ocean with all sorts of nasty stinging tentacles and it just floats arou—"

"Dave! I know what a jellyfish is!"

"Then what the hell are you asking me."

"Rose said—um—that she'd only date a jellyfish."

"So she's into tentacles. That's way too fucking much information, bro. That's my sister you're talking about. I don't need to know things like that. Fuck." He turned back to the book.

"No! Ew, no, Dave, just _no_. I just—I mean, she means like a person. How can a person be a jellyfish?"

Dave leaned back against the bedpost, stretching his legs. "What is this about, anyway."

"O-oh. Well, I told her about Karkat's silly shipping chart, you know? Hehe."

"Oh. Okay. Whatever."

Suddenly, something occurred to John. Something terrifying. "Hey, Dave…?"

"Sup."

"Would it be okay if I, uh…you know…"

"What."

"If I…dated Rose?"

"Are you a jellyfish."

"So you _do_ know what it means!" John snapped his comic shut. "Dave! Please, tell me! This has been driving me crazy!"

Dave waved his hand carelessly. "Chill, man. You just fucking told me she'd only date a jellyfish, didn't you." He paused, stiffening. "Or did I just hallucinate that. Did Rose slip me some weird drug in my lunch. Fuck. I knew she couldn't be trusted."

"Of course she didn't! She isn't like that!"

"I don't know. I wouldn't put much past her, the flighty broad."

"Dave! She's your sister!"

"Yeah," said Dave. "Yeah, she is. And no, I don't care, because that's obviously what you were trying—and failing, I should add—to get across."

"Y-yeah. Sorry, Dave, I just wasn't sure…"

"How I'd take it."

"Yeah."

"Why would I give a fuck." He allowed himself a small smirk. "Maybe I'd care that _she_ was dating my lil bro instead." Then he shrugged. "Look, Egbert. This paradox thing doesn't change anything. Rose is still Rose. You're still you. Do whatever the hell you want."

"Yeah! Thanks, Dave."

"Besides," Dave said, reaching for the next comic. "You wouldn't have a problem if I dated _your_ paradox sibling, right."

"Jade?" John blinked, surprised. "Uh, yeah. Sure. I mean no! I mean—"

"Yeah, yeah. I get it."

"I-I mean, we can't break up the shipping chart, right? It'd break poor Karkat's heart. Hehe."

Dave snorted. "Whatever you say, man."


	5. Bloom 5

**Jellyfish Romance ~ Chapter 5**

John snaked his hands around Rose, pulling her into a friendly hug. "Hey, Rose! What's a jellyfish?"

Rose, on the other hand, barely looked up from the worn novel she held in her hands. She was used to John's puppy-like acts of affection, as were all of their friends. "Well, John, a jellyfish is a betentacled creature that—"

With a sigh, John let go. "That's not what I meant."

Rose's lips twitched, betraying her slight amusement. "I am aware. How long do you think you can go about trying to surprise the answer from me? It will not come so easily."

"I know," John said dejectedly. "I just thought…I dunno…"

"That you could circumvent hard work?" Her lips twitched again.

"No! I just…I don't know where to start." John gave a sheepish smile and shrugged his shoulders.

"I am sure you will figure it out eventually," Rose reassured, giving his head a gentle pat. She wondered if he had grown again since last she saw him. Probably. They were all at that age, after all. Perhaps even nearing the end. If one thing was for sure, though, she wouldn't miss the growth spurts. Purchasing new clothes every year was so bothersome—especially when her old clothes were perfectly acceptable, if only a little snug fitting.

"Roooooooose," John pleaded. "Come on. Give me a hint."

"Unlike the ebb and flow of the tides, John, my resolve is not fluid. I will not give you a hint."

"That's so unfair!"  
>"I never told you this game was fair, did I?" Rose raised her eyebrows slightly and John looked away, defeated.<p>

"Yeah. I guess you're right. Still, though, it would be nice if you did."

"Am I nice, John?"

"Yeah!" he said at once, much to Rose's surprise. "You're great, Rose. You're really good at making Dave look like a total dork, and at helping Jade come to terms with dating a dork, and—wait, they've been gone a long time. How long does it take to buy a bag of ice? Do you think they ran off to, you know, get on with the sloppy makeouts?"

"I think you may have gone off topic, John."

"Only a little." John just laughed it off in his traditional little chuckle. "Come on, Rose. You've got to at least give me a chance if I'm going to get anywhere with this."

"What makes you think I wish to allow you to 'get anywhere'?"

John froze in place at these words, his heart sinking. "Do…do you hate me, Rose?"

"No."

"But you really don't like me like that, huh?" His intonation barely marked the sentence as a question.

"I didn't say that, either."

"Rose," said John, frustrated, "you can be really hard to read sometimes."

"Is it that transparent?"

John made an irritated sound in the back of his throat, a confused half-moan, and put his face in his hands. "You're impossible."

And then a strange thing happened. Rose smiled, as close to a genuine smile as John had seen in a long time. "Yes," she said. "I think I am."

"You really like confusing me, don't you? That's pretty damn cruel, Rose."

"I never said I was nice. That particular oversight came from you."

"Yeah, I guess so." John sighed. He was never going to win this weird game. Not without some help, at least. Maybe Dave could figure it out. He was pretty strange himself. Maybe two weirds would make a logic, or at least some semblance of a kind of reason. Or maybe Jade could help. She could coax the answer out of Rose. She could be pretty persuasive, after all.

"Are you thinking of cheating?" Rose asked.

Damn! "No," John said quickly. He saw her smirking at him and he knew he'd lost again. "Okay, fine. Yeah. I was."

"Good," said Rose, turning back to her book. "A win is a win, John. If the odds are stacked in your favour, you must simply find a different solution."

John considered this for a moment. He hesitated, then said, "Like you going grimdark?"

With a sudden _snap_, Rose slammed her book shut and said stiffly, "Yes. I suppose so." She stood, tossed the tome haphazardly on the bed, then moved to the door.

"Are you okay?" John asked. Maybe he had said the wrong thing. Maybe _definitely_ he had said the wrong thing.

"I am perfectly fine," Rose replied, though her tone was a little chillier than previous.

"I guess this means I'll never get a hint, huh?" John asked. "It's…it's okay! I'll figure it out. I will sleuth the shit out of this problem."

The amused twitch in her lips returned. "Oh? So you aren't ready to give up?"

"Of course not! I was just trying to seduce the answer out of you. Or at least some hints."

"Oh? You call that seduction?"

"Well, I mean, I hadn't gotten to the seducing yet. When I start seducing, you'll know."

"And how will I know?"

"Oh, _you'll know_." John pulled the sexiest face he could muster, a smouldering pout he had learned from his movie star idol.

"And will this be accompanied by a line?"

"Oh, yes. Definitely. '_Someone farted—let's get out of here_'."

At this, Rose couldn't contain herself. She let out an uncharacteristic snort of laughter and quickly hid her face in her hands to regain her composure. "Charming."

John's expression flips to an instant grin. "Don't lie. You enjoyed it."

"It was not what I was expecting, to say the least."

"That's got to be worth at _least_ one hint," John pressed. "Come on. Just one. It can be tiny. Just one."

Rose gave her head a small shake. "I'm afraid I can't do that, John."

"Why not?"

Then, with a mysterious smile, she replied, "Because I've already given it to you."


End file.
